It's Happening Again
by SolitaireAikanaro
Summary: It rips at me, it tears me apart, just as it did to the other Tao. I knew this would come. I knew it. It's happening again, and I don't think I can fight anymore...Rencentric. Dedicated to MeeLee!


This is dedicated to Meelee. It's so cool to have an author you idolize review you!

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It's happening again.

I knew it would. I might've tried to forget about it, but deep down, I knew these days would come. Ever since my father was defeated, I lay awake at night, dreading what I knew would come.

It's happening again. I watched my father go through it when my grandfather died. I saw the agony, the struggle, the despair…and inevitably, the submission.

I had an older brother, you know. Yes, the great Tao Ren was once not the Tao heir. Once. When I was young, it started happening to my brother, Jin. It hurt everyone to see him go through it. He was such a splendid, honourable man. But, he couldn't do it. To escape it, he killed himself. No one in our family has really gotten over his death. Jin was magnificent.

No one blames him for what he did either. Death was an understandable resort. If only it were one path I could follow.

But then, I am the last of the Tao. I am the Tao heir. There is no one after me, as Jun is female. Death is not an option.

It's happening again. I can feel it. It's almost a physical change. I can feel it nipping away at my soul, at my mind.

For a long time, I thought I would escape it. I was Tao Ren, strongest of the Tao Clan. I lied to myself. After all, I had friends, until the rest of my family. I thought that would set me apart.

I was wrong. The curse is strong in me, flowing in my very blood. It's changing me, horribly.

The others can sense it too. Manta avoids me, and Yoh seems confused by my constant mood swings. Anna always gives me a calculating stare, and I almost killed Horohoro yesterday. I lost control, and the curse kicked in. Now he avoids me like the Plague. Only Jun understands. But I can't stand the pitying looks she gives me either.

I spend most of my time in my room. It's safer that way, for everyone. I lock myself in, and force Bason out. I am completely alone.

The curse doesn't like that though. It wants to mingle, to be free to affect everyone. It's furious at me, furious that I have locked it away. And so…it hurts me. It hurts me horribly, every second it can. It rips at my heart, tearing the living flesh. It gnaws at my soul; waiting for the day I'll no longer have one. It claws at my will, it twists my mind. It spins my reality until I only have the weakest grip on my sanity. It makes my blood boil hot and scathing, until I scream. I scream, blood-curdling howls piercing the quiet of the night. I know the others hear my half-crazed shrieks, I see it in their averted eyes ever morning. It hurts me, and I try to reach out, to explain, but my mouth remains frozen in a smug smirk, the despair in my eyes hidden by a cold arrogance.

Even though each night's battle tires me beyond comprehension, I smile. Each morning's light proves I win, that I have triumphed once again. And quietly, I repeat my ancestor's tale.

" _You yi tian, Tao Sen zhai zhou de shi hou, ta kan zian yi ge lao ren…_" Once upon a time, Tao Sen was walking along, when he saw an old man. The man was dressed in rags, and his hair was as wild as his eyes. As Sen passed, the man clutched at his robes, shrieking that he was royalty, and deserved to be treated as such. Sen, a cruel man with no mercy, scoffed and beat the man with his walking cane. The man screeched in rage and pointed one gnarled finger at Sen.

" You and your line shall be cursed forever." He said. " You will be possessed by insanity, and when you die, the spirit shall control your children."

And so it was. Sen lost his mind a few days after, murdering his wife and parents. He'd feasted on their flesh, innards dribbling on his chin.

When he died, the insanity clung to his offspring. No matter how hard they tried, eventually they succumbed.

There I finished the tale, my eyes glazed over in pain. My father had been expelled from the Forbidden Palace when he was possessed with the insanity. Contrary to popular belief, En had been a kind man before the curse. The curse had transformed him into a monster.

As it would transform me. No Tao had resisted it yet. The cursed blood would continue. Forever.

My bruised heart took some comfort though, in the fact Jun would be untouched. The female Tao did not suffer the curse. I am glad. I could not bear my gentle sister to be turned into a drooling, raving beast. Into a murderous monster. Like my father, like I will be.

My eyes close wearily as my blood stirs. I cannot fight much longer.

It's happening again.

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